No under-thirty-something is supposed to dig wallpaper. We’ve been conditioned over time to hate any sort of bad border we’ve had to help our parents tear out of their “no-longer-fruit-themed” kitchens and our friends tear out of their “no-longer-the-eighties” fixer-upper bathrooms.
Taking it down is a pain. The spraying, the steaming, the chemicals, the scoring with that weird tool, the picking and peeling and celebrating if you can manage to get a long strip off. Then there’s the gross sticky glue part, the mess, and the accidental ‘oops’ that happen when you inadvertently take off a chunk of the drywall. (Sorry, mom.) Once it’s all finally down, it’s not just game-over. You’ve got to spackle and sand all those stupid places where the stubborn glue won’t leave or the wall decided it didn’t want to part with the once-beloved wallpaper. Oh yes, wallpaper is a giant pain. There was a stretch of time a few years ago when I swore I’d never, ever wallpaper when I walked into my parents’ kitchen and realized it had been transformed into an anthrax lab of wallpaper removal, with plastic hanging from the doorways and a fine white powder on every surface imaginable. They and their lungs may never recover.
This leads me to this conclusion: Wallpaper is for Dummies.
Dummies who commit to a certain “fashion” by gluing and papering and lining up those edges perfectly and want to commit to take it down a few years later when apples, ivy, ducks, pineapples, big floral patterns, Williamsburg blue, and geometric designs are no longer cool in the home arena.
I have no desire for this, none of it, but Julia Rothman makes me suddenly want to be a dummy.
Yes, I know, the owl is the new sparrow, and the sparrow is the new fruit. But c’mon. How can you not want to justify spending a mere $105 for a roll of coolness and sacrifice all of the brain cells that are commanding you to “step away from the wallpaper”…?
Step into the light, my friend. Step into the blue swirly cloud and sparrow light. You need this. And I need your remnant. I just know it.
love,
allison